


Bruises

by emilyevanston



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, SamSteve Pining, Songfic, Stucky Pining, Unrequited Love, sad Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-03 01:34:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15808635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/emilyevanston
Summary: Steve has trouble coming to terms with Bucky going into cryo after the events of Civil War.Based on the song Bruises by Lewis CapaldiI wrote this before IW came out.  Though actually if you take this as almost immediately after going into cryo, it's still accurate.  Clint and Scott just make those deals after Steve gets his shit together.





	Bruises

“Steve, it’s what he wanted.”

Sam’s voice snapped Steve out of the daydream he’d fallen into.  He’d been thinking about Bucky again.  It’s often where his mind took him.  The smile he’d given him before going into the tube.  He looked down at his hand and realized he’d been sketching Bucky.  Bucky as he’d last seen him.  Lying back in a glass tube as ice froze his veins solid.

He shook his head trying to clear it of the thought and gazed out the window at the changing scenery.  They had been on the run from the law for months now.  78 days to be exact.  He’d been counting every one since Bucky had gone into cryo.  They never settled long.  They moved through Europe and south-east Asia on fake passports.  Stopping and working some manual job for a few weeks where the person hiring only cared that they were strong and could follow orders, and didn’t care that they had no papers.  As soon as they fell into a routine, they picked up again and moved somewhere else.

The European landscape was pleasant, but Steve was tired of seeing it through the window of a train.

“I know.  I’ve accepted that.  That doesn’t mean I can’t wish it was different.”  Steve said.   For a moment he catches his reflection in the glass.  The way it’s distorted makes his face look bruised.  For that one brief moment, he’s back to the fight in Siberia.  Feeling like his body is going to give out on him but not being able to stop, because if he stops Bucky dies.  Each punch he throws, each throw of his shield he knows is destroying his friendship, the life he knows, the hope that he’ll ever have a normal life.  Yet doing it anyway.  Because none of that is important, only Bucky mattered.  Only even after all that.   After everything he’d lost.  Every bridge he’d burned and person he’d loved deeply he’d hurt, Bucky still wasn’t here.  After all the grief that he’d gone through when he’d first lost him.  The hope that he was alive and he could have him back.  The fighting just to keep him once they found him again.  He was still gone.

He touched his face, wishing the bruises were still real.  Then he could just focus on dealing with that pain.

Sam put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.  “Steve, you’re not alone here.  There are a bunch of people looking to you because we’re all lost.  We’ve all lost things.”

“You don’t understand.  You didn’t lose… him and me…”  Steve sighed and shook his head.

Sam rolled his eyes.  “You can be a real asshole, ya know?”

Steve turned from the window and looked into his friend’s eyes.  Normally he’d be smiling and that smile traveled right to his eyes, making the brown shine brightly.  Now Sam’s eyes were narrowed and darkened.  Completely devoid of humor.  “I’ve gotten used to the fact that you don’t see me the same way as I see you.  I never compromised my own moral compass despite the fact I gave up my own life to follow you.  Even when you did have me running after false leads on finding him.”  Sam all but seethed.  “You were right.  That was the main thing.  The accords are bullshit.  It was in everyone’s best interest for you to bring Barnes in.  They did pin it on the wrong guy.  There were other super soldiers.  It wasn’t your fault you got played.  But they couldn’t even see the start of the play.  All the could see was Barnes doing what he was trained to do and you chasing after your boyfriend.   I’m not sorry I followed you, but you…”  He jabbed his finger into Steve’s chest.  “… are so fucking caught up in your own loss you haven’t seen what everyone else has given up just to follow you.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something.  He had no idea what.  Just that he needed to defend himself somehow.

“No!”  Sam snapped.  “You’ll listen to me.  Barton can’t go back to his family because he came to fight at your side.  Lang has a daughter who he may never see again.  Wanda is a kid.  You called them in not knowing it would turn out the way it did.  But it has.  I get you miss him and you want him here.  He’s safe though.  We’re not.  Step up!”

Sam went to get up and move down the train to where the others were.  Steve grabbed him by the wrist.  Sam turned back looking down at Steve.

“What do you mean, I don’t feel the same way about you as you do about me?”  Steve asked.

Sam laughed. It wasn’t his normal laugh that took him over and was full of joy.  It was empty and hollow.  He looked at Steve sadly.  “You are really oblivious aren’t you?”

“Sam…”  Steve said, softly.

Sam shook his head and tried to pull away.  “Just forget it, Steve.  It doesn’t matter. It’s not why I’m here.”

Steve kept his eyes locked with Sam’s.  They flicked down to his lips and back up to his eyes again.  He swallowed and leaned in.

Sam balked pushing Steve back from him.  “What the fuck, man?”

Steve’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.  “I - I thought…  Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Sam got up and scowled down at the man he’d called a friend for the past three years.  The man he’d followed into battle again and again.  For the first time feeling a hint of disgust.  “I won’t be anyone’s back up plan.  Get your shit together.  People need you.”   He stormed down the carriage of the train.  “We get off in three stops.”  He calls back.

Steve looked back out the window again.  The dark reflection of a battered man staring back at him.  He felt like he was drowning.  That no matter what he did he couldn’t break the surface.


End file.
